So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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