The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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