He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
