i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize