why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
