A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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