Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
