Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
