Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
