Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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