Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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