he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
