Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
