in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
