I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
