Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
