soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
