Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
