I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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