WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
