my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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