Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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