she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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