By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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