He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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