remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
