i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
