she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
