Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
