I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
third nipple confirmed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
