Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
