I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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