Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize