My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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