yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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