it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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