for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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