you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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