i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
