you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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