Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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