Where did you get a picture of my penis
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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