I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
