we have officially lost it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
