Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
