Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
