He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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