I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
