Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
