You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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