He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
