I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
