I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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