My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this will be a night to untag.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
