you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
