So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
