I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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