I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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