Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
