i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
