I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
