i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
