Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
