Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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