It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
