It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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