when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think my moral compass just broke
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