when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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